but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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