i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
