I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
