I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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