would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
