And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
