Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
