Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you guys were way drunker than both of me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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