Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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