If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
