I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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