is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
