I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Semen is not good for contacts.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
