I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
