I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
