Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
