he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
