I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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