he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
