Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
