My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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