If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
