you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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