Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I smell like Dick and happiness
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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