just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bring money and cleavage
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
