i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
