Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
FUCK WHALES
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize