Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
