I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
