He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
