I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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