Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
