I wanna bring you to show and tell
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Found your dick twin last night
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
