i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize