That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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