the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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