I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
