Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
