My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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