I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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