I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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