he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
