I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
