you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
