Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
