i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
