Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
