I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
