And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
