You're so nebulous sometimes
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
