Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
