butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
