We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
