Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
