im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
