just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
