He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize