I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
