the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Text me some of your sweat
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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