You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
