so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
