tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
