I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think my moral compass just broke
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