Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need to sanitize my soul.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
