Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
